Poop Bomb

I am writing it not because I am proud of my actions, but because it must be written so that my posterity can have a good laugh down the road- at me. It's ok to laugh at yourself now and then. So, ...we took the boys and some friends rock climbing for Landon's birthday. Just as we got there, Bronson had a dirty diaper that needed changing. Of course, Eric brought him to me. (And it's ok, I handle those situations best.) As considerate as I am, I took him to the car to change him instead of inside the facility. We were in very tight quarters, and I laid him down on the floor of the van. It was hot outside- I was sweating and already exhausted from the party that had barely started. Not good.

Once changed, I had the diaper wrapped up. I looked around for an outside trash can with no luck. I certainly wasn't going to bring the diaper inside and stink up the rock climbing place. Knowing the party was supposed to go until 9 PM (and still light outside), I decided to place the diaper just under Eric's truck, out of the way. We drove separate cars so we could take lots of boys home afterward. I didn't want to put the offending object just between the cars- people might need to walk through. And leaving it inside a car was NOT an option either. I used my handy dandy hand sanitizer thoroughly, ... and off to join the boys we went, with Bronson feeling like a million bucks. And me,...like a considerate citizen.

The party went 30 minutes longer than planned. At 9:30 PM (dark now), we went outside to cut some cake, sing Happy Birthday and open presents. All boys were happy and 2 parents were EXHAUSTED. Eric belayed each boy over and over for 2 hours straight- (there was no automatic belay systems in the joint- bummer.) Anyhoo, after the festivities, we loaded all the kids in the car. I got in first, and put my camera and video camera on the middle console in the van. Eric grabbed a couple kids and the rest piled in with me. I rolled my van windows down because the night air felt great. Eric pulled out of the parking lot. And then it hit us...the smell. I thought, "what in the wide world is that smell????" The diaper! I got out of the car to see that Eric's tire had rolled over the diaper shooting poop out the side of it. Oh, great! Just what I need right now. I wanted to jet back to the car and drive away fast, but the integrity of the soul kicked in. I grabbed all the used wrapping paper and carefully wrapped the diaper up, and placed it in the car. I had to take it home to the trash can. It was the right thing to do.

With the diaper all wrapped up, there was still way too strong of a smell. I couldn't figure it out. Then I heard Bronson yelling, "poop, poop....poop right there!" Our neighbor Alex, said, "uh...I think you'd better listen to him." In the dark I turn to see poop sticking out from the driver side head rest. I was baffled. I said, "What is going on? How did that get there?!?!" I drove like a maniac home to take care of the mess and move on with my usually calm and happy life. I wanted to put this nightmare behind me.

Once home, the Clorox wipes saved the day as I disposed of everything in WalMart plastic bags- (what would we do without those?) I scrubbed and wiped and wrapped and cleaned my heart out. Still the smell wouldn't completely go away. Being that my sense of smell right now is on over-drive (pregnancy), ...I thought, "I will let it all air out til morning and all will be well." Eric came home from dropping his portion of the friends off and I told him the story. He said, "So you totally place a POOP BOMB under my tire!" He did get a good laugh at my expense, although at that point I wish I could have rubbed the diaper in his face.

The next morning I checked my e-mail to find this note from this lovely man of mine. Subject: "Big hunk of POO"

Becky,
Good morning, beautiful! You have a big hunk of POO welded on to the side of your car, passenger side. I would have chiseled it off for you if I had time. Sorry.
Hope you have a great day.

Love you,
Eric

Nice, right? As I was cleaning the mess again the next morning, fuming out the ears, I began to see exactly what had happened and it hit me that this situation could have been 100% worse! I found more poop on the sun visor of the passenger side and across the part of the inside ceiling. I came to the conclusion that last night after the party, just as I had rolled my windows down in the van, (Eric was parked to my right),...he pulled out, hit the diaper, poop shot out onto the pavement, onto my car, onto the sun visor and ceiling, fell onto my camera cases in the middle console and flew to the side of my car head rest. We were sitting in the car, in the dark and had no clue that it happened. Can you see how this could have been worse???

I am patting myself on the back for not only being a considerate person, but for seeing the bright side of this once-in-a-lifetime fun situation. Just think...that could have flown right to the side of my face and into my hair. It ALWAYS helps to look at things from a different direction. After realizing this, I happily scrubbed the rest of my car, properly disposed of it all, washed my hands even better than a surgeon and had a good laugh. And, yes, I have learned my lesson. No more poop bombs. And, happy to report, I still love motherhood.